2015 Summary UP

Guys do you realize we will be in 2016, in 2 days. Woah so fast, really! How is your life, friends? I will talk about my life summary in 2015. A lot of remember-able moments happened. Mostly, happy? I guess.
I found myself is really troublesome to anybody, 2015 made me realize i'm annoying af. Huh.
I lost my friends, and its kinda sad reality (you guys have to grateful because until now i still called you friends) i realize that semakin dewasa bukan masalah seberapa banyak teman yang kamu punya, tapi ada gak teman yang benar-benar mempercayai dirimu, membuat kamu semakin kuat, supporting each other, give each other motivation, that's it. It's hard for me to trust anybody, so freakin hard. Bahkan gue dengan sahabat sendiri juga, lebih baik hal-hal tersebut hanya untuk sendiri. Why? I dont want anybody pity me, this is my own bussiness let me trust myself to solve this, can you? Terus gue juga inget 2015 nih, penuh dengan moment kayak 'why did you have to do this to me?' contohnya, gue punya masalah, terus teman-teman -yang ngakunya mereka teman gue sih- ngebantuin gue buat solve this problem, but turn out they made the problem even worst!!!!!!!!!!! Tch. WHAT TF.
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2015 made me realize that i'm kinda introvert? i have promised to myself, in the 2nd year of senior high school, i will try to show up and open up, but still i can't. In the middle school, i have known as one of the active students. i even joined the student council. SHS is different, there is no time for 'leha-leha' the teachers always remind us to prepare our national exam. IT KINDA ANNOYS ME SOMETIMES. Gue juga pengen aktif lagi gitu, kayak pas jaman smp, yang sibuk kesana-kemari ngehadirin rapat osis-mpk, datang ke acara penting, terus jadi dikenal sama guru. Yes, i miss my name being called by the teachers. I miss those time when the teachers had a trouble, they called me, they asked for help, i miss being known by the teachers. Huh. Sekarang kalau mau dikenal sama guru ya lo harus jadi anak osis dulu, jadi anak pintar yang selalu ikut lomba, jadi class-clown (badut kelas) yang hobinya ngelawak terus, atau kalau lo mau jadi anak yg buat masalah, ya gak sih? Apalah gue cuma remah-remah penghapus karet yang menganggu, yang kalo ditiup terbang kemana-mana. Gue kalau di kelas ya hobinya ya tidur sekarang, dulu sih iya iya aja masih asik. Sekarang? Introvert banget gue. Eh boleh dibilang ambivert sih, gue kadang juga main sama temen-temen yang otaknya sama kayak gue, ngablu HAHAHAHAHA.
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2015 made me want to get a job, and get a lot of money. Wth i want everything but i dont have enough money to buy those things. But, the sure thing is kerja tidak segampang yang lo kira kan? Nah. Susah juga nyari duit ya? Gue abis liburan, dan gue nyadar aja, there are two different things, the one who get a better life, and the one who dont. Pernah nyadar gak, pas lagi makan di restaurant aja, kita bisa enak-enak makan, belum tentu pelayan yang ada di restaurant itu pernah makan apapun yang ada di menu restaurant itu. They are working so hard just for the money, so they can survive their life. Ketika lo enak-enak milih baju di Department Store or whatever, terus beli banyak baju sampai berjuta-juta, pernah ngebayangin gak office boy/girl yang kerja buat tempat itu, ngepel, nyapu, dan lain-lain, pengen juga membelikan baju atau sesuatu darisana dan membawanya pulang? Katakan saja itu untuk anaknya? There are always two side guys, so be grateful if you are in the better side. (Whoa how did i even say those thing?)
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2015 still, i havent get a bf. (It's okay va) Too busy or do i look not attractive, do i?
I guess both reason are right. I'm busy-ing myself, and i dont look attractive, that's it. Or is it because i dont look like i'm opening up myself to anybody? I dont know. Or is it because im too busy fangirling over my bias(es). Lol, if it's true. Eventho' im busy fangirling over, but still my bf is on the top (CHESSY) (MASA SIH VA??????) (HAHAHAHAHA) I'm trying to give my attention more to him. Yang gue tanya sekarang, mana?????? boyfriend???? my ass. 2015 i'm free as a bird, i can stay on the wherever nest that i want, istilahnya kan? hAHAHA
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Last but not least, i want to say 'Thank You, God for another chance, I'm still alive in 2015, I hope in 2016 will full of happy-grateful moments. I hope in 2016 i still have a looooooooooooooooooooong life, panjang umur, sehat terus, pokoknya yang baik-baik ada di 2016 dan resolusi tercapai semua :)'

It Happens to be That Way

Around this month, or it has been 3 months? (I didn't count it)
I feel so lost. Like i dont even have a person i'm willingly share my mind with. Really.

Everytime they feel they need to tell stories, i was there with them. I even think they are my priority. But, where are you guys when i need you the most?
Why are you being like this?
Who am i to you guys? A trash?
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I'm disappointed really.

And when your loyal friend talk shit about you, and you haven't done anything to her.
Why are you being like this?
I've tried to dont give a damn but everytime i look at her laughing with the other friends, those our happy memories when we were close back then, appears.
How could i dont give a single damn? Huh?

You know, everynight when you are alone in your room, and didnt do anything, your mind starts to wonder 'ah, it was a tough day' and for me everyday is tough day.
In the class, when everyone chit-chats with their friends, but me? silent, and stay still on my seat, trying to read the books or listening to the music and questioning my life why is getting worse than ever.  IT IS NOT SO ME.

I've tried to say 'face it as mature as you can, va'
But, the universe tells the opposite.
I might be fierce, rough, tough girl, i might seem cold, and careless.
I'm just the same human-being, i have heart, i can cry too, i will cry when the time is right.
I have this soft-side of me.
You should have known this. If you are my 3/4/5 or even 10 years-best friends of me.
I cry much. I admit it. I feel so touched whenever someone do the small things to me whether it is good or bad.

I'm tired of crying everynight. I hate to be at this state, when i have to cry under my blanket, and sunk my face onto pillow. I hate to shed my tears. I hate having my shirt is wet because of my tears. I hate to turn off my room and silently crying because i dont want my parents to know about that.
I hate it, that i have to admit i'm crying right now while making this post...

WHY IS THIS HAPPENED TO ME? OH GOD? :(
WHAT SINS HAVE I COMMITTED IN MY PAST LIFE THAT NOW FORCE ME TO SUFFER THIS?

God,
I'm sorry, I've reached my limit.

The reason why i can't stare into someone's eyes whom i talk to is because i'm afraid i will find my universe in them.

I'm fine tho

Have planned this night to update my blog. Actually, i have so many stories that i want to share here but i don't know where should i start? It's a lil bit complicated but sure interesting.
Gue tuh suka kalau diem sendiri tuh mikirin apa yang harusnya gue tulis aja sih di blog, kalau lagi gak ada kerjaan apalagi. Tapi pas udah gue buka dasbor blognya malah ngeblank gitu kek kolom entry baru, jadi ikutan ngeblank aja liat warna putih.

Gue suka ke mall sama keluarga, tapi end up gue muter-muter mall sendiri. You know what? Gue diliatin soalnya gue kek anak kecil, pendek muter mall yang gedenya kayak apa sendiri. Why are you staring at me like that people? Apa karena gue sendirian gitu, ya masa sih?

Ya gue ngebayangin aja gitu pas gue ke toko buku terus kalau ketemu temen gue dan mereka berdua, ya bilang aja sepasang gitu, gue bakal ngerasa awkward gak ya? Hah malesin sumpah ngebayanginnya pasti bakalan basa-basi

 'Eh lo disini juga?'
 'Ngapain di sini?'
 'Sama siapa?'
 'Sendirian aja?'

Ya woy iya sendirian kesini. Terus akhirnya pisah, gue bakalan nyebut Alhamdulillah.
Dan akhirnya gue mikir, iya ya kenapa gak bareng temen gitu kenapa harus sendiri kalau bareng-bareng lebih seru? Gue juga gangerti diri gue sendiri.
Kadang juga gue ngebayangin kalau gue pergi main kemana kek yang jauh-jauh bareng sama temen gitu, gue bakal ngapain ya, seneng gak ya gue.
Tuhkan.

It is simply because i need my time alone, i need me-time reward for myself, kadang capek sih harus berkelompok terus, capek ngadepinnya, berisik, dan silang pendapat terus pasti.

Gue pergi sendiri juga karena emang gue pengen kan, bukan karena emang gue desperate gitu lah. I will glad if there is someone who willingly waste his/her time to spent with me. Tapi sekali lagi, i'm fine tho kalau harus sendirian.

How is your life, S?

I met him when i was going to home

How is your life, S?

Have you met someone new? 

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I guess, you have. 

Ohio

Look back in bitterness going back to broken piece of past staying in memories hesitating stepping forward to real I'm stupid wanderer wandering poor fellow give up now to live in the peace that we made before Ohio gentle wave on ocean of recall oh hi oh hi I watch your pain oh hi oh hi the same as mine Long story truly short rewind it ever over again hard to fine the rest world without you never can stand I'm stupid blind old man deny suck a bright light give up glow to live in the peace that we made before Ohio gentle wave on ocean of recall oh hi oh hi I watch your pain oh hi oh hi the same as mine Take me from your breath let me down to back to real I'll erase you set me free from you know it's hard to try oh hi oh hi I watch your pain oh hi oh hi the same as mine

Untitled

Baru aja tadi grup chat line seper-geng-an bilang kalau temen gue yang ikut lomba masuk 9 besar, seneng banget itu pasti, apalagi buat temen deket kayak mereka ya seneng bgt (harusnya), tapi gue juga rada sedih sih soalnya kenapa ya gue gak ikut? Temen deket gue ini - sebut saja namanya Cha - emang udah ngomong sih ke gue kalo harusnya gue ikut, karena lumayan jago juga sih gue dalam bidang ini kalo kata dia sih, ya tapi itu, gue bego sih. 

Bukan Iva namanya kalau gak Bego kalau masalah beginian.

Now or never. Itu prinsip, tapi kalau udah kayak gini sih self-esteem gue udah turun banget, karena gak percaya diri itu, emang tayi ya.

Mereka bilang

"The second chance is never be the same as the first one"

Iya nyet. Second chance itu emang selalu ada, tapi gak pernah memuaskan elo sih. Bener banget.

Gua tuh udah berapa kali ya kayak gini? Dua kali? Mungkin

Sama sih masalahnya juga sama persis, tapi tetep aja gitu kenapa gue gak pernah belajar dari pengalaman sebelumnya.

Ya gue sedih, melihat kemungkinan kalau gue ikut lomba itu juga, apakah gue akan menang? apakah gue kalah? 

terlintas di pikiran gue:

"Temen lo aja bisa va, lo masa kalah"

BAM!

Gue merasa orang paling useless, cetek, bodoh, pengecut ya segala macem deh.

Kenapa sih gue takut buat nyoba hal yang baru? Untuk akhir akhir ini aja, biasanya juga gak kayak gini.

Gue bingung.

Apa sih masalahnya sama gue?

Mungkin pendapat orang kali ya, sebelum gue mulai pasti aja ada yang underestimate. Pasti.

Semua orang juga kok. Pernah digituin kan?

Tapi gue tetep aja masukin ke hati dan otak, kepikiran, trs bikin gue gak mau maju. 

That's it. That's the point.

Ini masalahnya, gue tuh selalu masukin ke hati setiap kata-kata orang hhhh

Ibu bilang kalo gue tuh harusnya belajar gausah dibuat ribet sama kata-kata orang, but mom i can't.

Gue harus apa? :'(

Harus apa?

Pernah kan ngerasain kayak...

"Why am i so stupid back then?"
"Woy kok gue kek gini dulu malu-maluin anjis HAHA"
"HAHAHAHA"
"HA INI GUE YA DULU"

ketika lo buka facebook lo yang dulu, status yang ei to the lei (re: alay)
apalagi pas jaman kayak awal masuk smp, yang masih ledek-ledekan cowok dan lanjut sampe masa pendekatan? kayak? hello? woy? va? lo?!@*!@(&#( HAHAHA ketawa aja gue.

Pengen sih rasanya gue cuci otak pengen ilangin aja tuh moment-moment aneh, tapi kalo semua moment itu ilang apa iya gue bakal jadi gue yang sekarang?
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Vvakvvavv.

150307 From now on this is our new start.

Yesterday i had an emotional day. 'cause exo had a concert in Seoul. I was so excited, because this was their first stage again after months of hiatus, they are having comeback recently.

There is a rumor that their comeback song is 'Call Me Daddy'
F- it SM are u crazy or
But after all the title is so sexy and i dont know how could i sing it on public?! OMG.

I never thought that their second concert will be amazing like this?><"{!+#)(#
They had prepared the concert very well, even they had injured their bodies, sweated their shirts, they prepared it well just for us. Fans.

I was live-streaming on my twitter's home, and finally i found the audio-streaming.
GGAAAAAHH the vibe!! i miss being in concert! T_T

So there are 5 new songs in the concert, and they all so eargasm! and so beautiful TT____TTT
I'm literally crying while listening them T_T
and exolu'xion is different from the lost planet, so many new concept here.

El Dorado
The new stage
The stripping part(?)
Sekai dancing in the pool!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't know there was member's solo or not
AND
MANY
MOREEEEEEEEEEEEEE


ARRRGHHHH I REALLY WANT TO WATCH THEM AGAIN

and the vocal line's song! the song is so beautiful T_T


The answer is youuuuu..........
My answer is you...................


And the encore, they prepared the song for us (fans) the song is so beautiful
The titled is Promise.
Omg.
I'm
Crying
Cause
The Lyrics T_______________T


U know that feeling when your idol thanked the fans because of their love for them?
OMG ARGGGHH I CANT HOLD MY TEARS

I love you guys, we will support you till the very end.
Thank you for giving us your love,  we wont stop giving our love for you all
I know i sound so chessy but yeah this is my true feeling for them

Ending VCR: Promise

They are crying...

The Answer Is You......

Thank You, 2014

My first post in 2015! Happy new year, guys~~~~ I know i'm late. But who cares? It's  new year!