Around this month, or it has been 3 months? (I didn't count it)
I feel so lost. Like i dont even have a person i'm willingly share my mind with. Really.
Everytime they feel they need to tell stories, i was there with them. I even think they are my priority. But, where are you guys when i need you the most?
Why are you being like this?
Who am i to you guys? A trash?
.
.
.
.
I'm disappointed really.
And when your loyal friend talk shit about you, and you haven't done anything to her.
Why are you being like this?
I've tried to dont give a damn but everytime i look at her laughing with the other friends, those our happy memories when we were close back then, appears.
How could i dont give a single damn? Huh?
You know, everynight when you are alone in your room, and didnt do anything, your mind starts to wonder 'ah, it was a tough day' and for me everyday is tough day.
In the class, when everyone chit-chats with their friends, but me? silent, and stay still on my seat, trying to read the books or listening to the music and questioning my life why is getting worse than ever. IT IS NOT SO ME.
I've tried to say 'face it as mature as you can, va'
But, the universe tells the opposite.
I might be fierce, rough, tough girl, i might seem cold, and careless.
I'm just the same human-being, i have heart, i can cry too, i will cry when the time is right.
I have this soft-side of me.
You should have known this. If you are my 3/4/5 or even 10 years-best friends of me.
I cry much. I admit it. I feel so touched whenever someone do the small things to me whether it is good or bad.
I'm tired of crying everynight. I hate to be at this state, when i have to cry under my blanket, and sunk my face onto pillow. I hate to shed my tears. I hate having my shirt is wet because of my tears. I hate to turn off my room and silently crying because i dont want my parents to know about that.
I hate it, that i have to admit i'm crying right now while making this post...
WHY IS THIS HAPPENED TO ME? OH GOD? :(
WHAT SINS HAVE I COMMITTED IN MY PAST LIFE THAT NOW FORCE ME TO SUFFER THIS?
God,
I'm sorry, I've reached my limit.
