"We fall in love with the people we can't have"
Kemarin adalah hari yang gak gue sangka akan menjadi hari dimana gue merasakan kehilangan, kehilangan apa? kehilangan akal gak sehat gue. Harusnya ya gue bersyukur karena itu, but apa yang gue rasain? I FEEL LOST. MY HEART IS EMPTY. Kayak ada yang hilang, setengah jiwa gue. Gila, dangdut banget gue, bodo amat gue gak peduli. Akal gak sehat gue adalah my source happiness. Yes, it is Him. One and only, Him. My happy pill. Apa jadinya kalo happy pill gue turns into sad/shit pill. Fucker. I swear, i have said this a million times that day 'The day has come, i should be ready in the first place, i know this is the risk.' Gue kira, gue sudah siap dengan semua kemungkinan yang akan terjadi, tapi gue sadar ketika hari itu, gue belum siap sama sekali. We fall in love, kita seharusnya tau apa ujungnya nanti, broken hearted. Gue gak pernah membayangkan gue bakal rasain hal ini karena Dia, yang nyatanya emang bukan siapa-siapa gue. I dont belong to Him, He doesnt belong to Me. That's the fuckin reality. Itu nyatanya. Lebih perihan mana coba harusnya sih realitanya ya, but namanya manusia yang punya perasaan dan have desire to love or to be loved. I know, ini cuma sepihak. Harusnya lagi, gue tau apa resikonya; dia boleh pergi sesuka hati dia, iya kan? Siapa gue, gak berhak ngekang apalagi maksa perasaan orang lain. Ya ampun kenapa gue kesannya lemah, baper, geer gini sih. Bodo amat. Namanya cewek ya gini sih HAHAHA. Boys over there, harusnya kalian ngerti ya sama perilaku cewek-cewek mau se-gak-peduli itu sama lingkungan atau cuek, maupun sampe cewek yang manja, harusnya kalian tau, perasaan cewek itu emang selembut itu, makanya apa-apa dimasukin ke hati, walaupun kita sebisa mungkin gak mau kepikiran akan itu, tapi in the end of the day, kita mikirin semua itu apalagi pas malem (ya emg end of the day tuh malem), we think too much over the small things. (Kalo gue) Buyar semua apa yang pernah dibayangin bakal gue lakuin berdua sama lo, those future things i've been thinking whenever i'm with you. Buyar. Like literally buyar. Itu yang gue rasain sekarang. Gue gak bisa liat gallery hp gue, yang most of them are your pictures. Gue gak bisa melihat lo, sama seperti yang dulu. Haha. You definitely broke my heart. I admit it. Why should i fall in love with you in the first place? Huh? If i know you never ever loved me back, like i do? But i know we cant choose who we fall in love with. I know i fall in love with you too deep, fuckin deep. Sampe gue rasanya gak tau lagi harus ngapain, lupain? pasrah? marah? sedih? Gak tau. Apa mungkin semuanya jadi satu dan gue gak bisa ngasih keterangan perasaan apa itu semuanya campur aduk. Someone once said;
"We forget what real, honest, true painful love feels like, and we accept this version -this sick, twisted, unhealthy substitute. We convice ourself it's beautiful, romantic, necessary. And that's how it destroy us, until finally, we realize that there's a right way for love to hurt you."
I can relate. I have been hurt by love. Freak.
Angry, sad, dissappointed. I dont know whether i should cry or scream instead.
Va, didnt anyone ever tell you? Some things have to be let go of. I'm crying :(
Yang gue lakukan sekarang adalah listening to breakup songs. Hobi banget bikin diri sendiri sakit. Gak baik padahal. But, my heart needs it.
I can't look at him the same anymore. HUHUHU THIS IS FREAKIN SAD. Gue mencoba untuk menyakinkan diri sendiri, I need to deal with this, and i will learn to accept the things i'm not willing to face T_T
Udahlah gue sedih banget mending kita tutup aja curhatan hari ini.
Sure, i will take the time and cure my heartbreak. We know in every Goodbye(s), there is always a good 'Hello' to wait. Take your time, and patiently wait. I hope i can meet another you, or even a better person, soon.
