Is this the right choose?

Its been probably 3 months, im being a high school student. I admit it, its so fuckin tired. Like seriously....
and today is the last of my mid-term exams.

Idk whats going on me. I feel like this is not the real me. Where is twiva that i used to know?

Selama 3 bulan ini, gue tidak membuahkan progress yang bagus. Day by day, my nilai is going down....
I just cant take it anymore. But they said this is masa-masa peralihan. Yatapi, kenapa masa peralihan gue lama banget sampe uts? Buktinya temen-temen gue yang lain bisa survive dengan nilai yang lumayan. Disitu lah gue merasa manusia paling tidak berguna.

I feel like i choose the wrong path. I choose science instead of social. Padahal boleh gue akui sendiri, gue jago hafalan. Gue gabisa itung-itungan, apalagi masalah yang kompleks, and i have a dream to be an illustrator (whatever kind of this), not to be a doctor. I just want to be what i want. To be an art-worker.

Sometimes, gue juga mikir ketika nilai gue bagus, gue milih jurusan yang tepat.
Sometimes, i hit the fuckin-hell spot. I depressed. Gue salah milih.

Gue mau berubah, terutama cara belajar gue. Gue masih belum bisa cara belajar yang tepat di sma ini.
Kalo di smp, ya alhamdulillah..

They said the high school is the one you cant forget. Unforgettable.
and tired as hell.

((ngomong tired mulu lo belum ngerasain jadi maba sih ntar lo ngomong tired lagi va))

Akhir-akhir ini gue kena sakit kepala yang parah banget.
Tiap siang... gue migrain. Hmm
Gue kenapa coba?

Pasti gegara liat nilai. Hmm

I often feel depressed because of my scores. The score is going down slowly.
I dont want to self-harm myself. Because my body is precious. I dont want God angry to me.
Ya Allah, kasih Iva jalan menuju kesuksesan yang gemilang... aamiin...

Can i survive?
CAN I?
GOD, please i need Helps T___T